Everybody Hurts...Sometimes

Still have Class From Hell. I was so frustrated yesterday with the attitudes, negative remarks, and then turned around to find one student taping me with her iPad. I wanted to strangle her. Instead, I went across the hall to the counselor's office and tearfully asked if someone could cover my class while I wept in their office.

I've just had enough. If I could quit that one school, I would drop the job like a hot potato. I only have them for 6 more days. It's not just the behavioral disorders. The administration is completely disorganized and they do not run things efficiently. I have a conflict in my schedule coming up and so far no one I've contacted has been able to figure out what I'll be doing the week of 'finals', not to mention where I will be teaching after the break. I hope to God it's not MIHS. I will end up insane by the end of the year if I have to work there full time.

On top of that, I ovulated a mere 5 days ago and woke up to discover my temps had dropped this morning. Damn it! I feel...inadequate. Inferior. Like God is punishing me for something I've done or haven't done (there goes that great old Catholic guilt trip). I feel terrible that I can't get pregnant. I feel frustrated. I feel depressed. I feel like I just don't care anymore. I feel like my husband loves me more than I love him and that it has something to do with it, even though logically (and biologically) this makes no sense.

I've scheduled an appointment with an OB-GYN. Next step is to look into what's wrong with me. Or him. Or both of us. I feel so ashamed of my inadequacy to conceive. I feel like I'm a disappointment.

My MIL has been knitting baby things non-stop. She hasn't said a word to me about it, but I know she and my mom would be thrilled to be grandmothers.

And everyone around me either has young children or is pregnant. I know one other friend who is trying to get pregnant, but it's kind of awkward to bring that up with someone..."So, I hear you can't get pregnant either...?"

I just need to take a vacation from this madness.