Distractions

I think I've been avoiding thinking about not being pregnant.

Partly by keeping myself as busy and distracted as possible. This worked great during the school year; I hardly had time to brush my teeth, much less think about the reasons for my infertility.

Now it's summer, and although I have a few classes, I have more time to spare and time to think. It hit me the other day while I was watching the documentary Bully- which I would recommend to every single child, parent, educator, et al, out there. It's absolutely heartbreaking to see how cruel people can be to each other, especially children. I lost it during the part of the film where an 11-year-old boy was talking about losing his friend (who committed suicide because he was being bullied). How difficult that must have been for the parents!

And then I listened to a Radiolab podcast about a young couple who was infertile and decided to adopt, only to have the child taken away from them because of a misunderstanding. I can't envision the pain they must be in.

I feel awful for them- those that had children and lost them after tragic circumstances. Somehow it makes my situation less awful because at least I don't have to go through legal battles or too-early funerals. God.

I'll be having surgery in July- a laparoscopy so that the doctor can peek inside my abdominal cavity and see if I have endometriosis, which he says is likely. I haven't had any symptoms, but sometimes apparently endometriosis can be like that. I'm nervous- I don't relish the idea of another surgery, but that's the only way to figure out what's really going on in there.

And as a post-note: People out there, PLEASE think about what you say before you say it. The other day we had a friend over who was commenting on a couple he knows who spent 2 years trying to get pregnant (not us) and said, "I mean, you think they'd just give up after a while." It was like a big fat slap in the face, even though he was totally oblivious to our situation.