Retrieval day!

It's finally here. We're headed out the door in a few for our appointment. I thought I would write now and then again later.

We did yoga last night. Note to others: downward dog with swollen ovaries is a BAD IDEA. I did the stretches the best I could without it hurting. My abdomen is all swollen and felt like period cramps. I read this is due to the HCG shot. Yoga helped me sleep until the alarm went off this morning. Then I woke up and had more cramps. Ouch.

Soon we'll be heading to the clinic to get me drugged up on codeine and valium. I hope I'll be knocked out enough that I won't feel/remember a thing during the procedure. I'm usually kind of a lightweight when it comes to painkillers, so that shouldn't be a problem. I am also having them on an empty stomach- procedure is at 10:00, so I can't eat until afterward.

More later- hopefully everything will go well without issues and we'll get some nice, healthy eggs to fertilize!

Snow Days

I've been so busy! Everyone says it. And I try to stay busy, because when I'm idle, negative thoughts have a tendency to creep into my head. So I find something to do, even when there is nothing to be done. Actually, I find something passive to do, even though I should be doing something active or constructive.

I'm worried about my DH. The week we got his second semen analysis back, his car wouldn't start. This is weird, because his car is a new lease, whereas mine is a 2004. So we ended up carpooling. And we got his results when we were in the car together. I think God was trying to help us give each other support.

The results were worse than last time: low count, very low to no motility, and no normal sperm (again). This is crushing news, because without normal sperm, we'll have to resort to more invasive techniques.

I feel awful- my cycle isn't anywhere near normal, but I don't feel as bad about it because I know I can take drugs to help it get back on track. DH feels depressed, grief, anger, frustration- he can't change his morphology, and there have been very few studies on what make sperm abnormal to begin with (which seems ridiculously unfair to both male and female partners). I know we have a plan, so I feel okay about it. I've been coping all right with stuff now that I've edited my Facebook feed for content (ie: less baby pics). But DH has been brooding over his issue. I really think we need a follow-up soon. Or a counseling appointment for us.

We've talked about how we want to handle the moral and ethical considerations of some of the reproductive technologies (see previous post for more on that). I think that it is at least smart to start on the fertility drugs and try for 3 months, praying for a miracle. That will give me time to finish teaching. Our summer schedule is much more flexible and would allow us more time for doctor's visits for IUI or in vitro if that's what it comes down to.

Overall, I hope that we'll miraculously get pregnant during the 3 month 'natural' time (please, God?) and not have to go forward with any other treatment, but we'll just have to wait and see.

Swimming in circles

Fate works in mysterious ways sometimes. The tech at the clinic couldn't reach my husband's phone to give him the results of his latest sperm analysis, so she called me and left a message asking me to call her back. I was in the car with my husband when I got this message because he took me to work today. I called back and we put her on speaker phone.

She said his count and motility looked good....and then the other shoe dropped. He has NO normal sperm. Zero. Zip. Nada.

We were both pretty shocked and upset. I partly felt relieved, "It wasn't me!" and partly guilty. We're going to have a follow-up next Monday. I'm sure she is going to recommend IUI or in vitro fertilization as our best bets, although the 'wait and try again' approach is what she says for right now, just to make sure the test results weren't a fluke.

Well. This certainly turns things for a loop. Stay tuned....