A big fat nope

Went in for retrieval. Had valium and codeine. Still felt too lucid by the time they took me back to the op room.Doc gets the ultrasound in me and then brings the world crashing down as he says I have no follicles large enough for retrieval. Looks like I ovulated already. So devastated. Will try again next month but feeling really low right now.

Retrieval day!

It's finally here. We're headed out the door in a few for our appointment. I thought I would write now and then again later.

We did yoga last night. Note to others: downward dog with swollen ovaries is a BAD IDEA. I did the stretches the best I could without it hurting. My abdomen is all swollen and felt like period cramps. I read this is due to the HCG shot. Yoga helped me sleep until the alarm went off this morning. Then I woke up and had more cramps. Ouch.

Soon we'll be heading to the clinic to get me drugged up on codeine and valium. I hope I'll be knocked out enough that I won't feel/remember a thing during the procedure. I'm usually kind of a lightweight when it comes to painkillers, so that shouldn't be a problem. I am also having them on an empty stomach- procedure is at 10:00, so I can't eat until afterward.

More later- hopefully everything will go well without issues and we'll get some nice, healthy eggs to fertilize!

Almost time...

Well, things are mobile again. Looks like I won't get to go in for the retrieval until Friday.

Bonus, I got all day today off. I treated myself to sushi for lunch and then a massage. Hah. It was really nice. I just felt the need to take care of myself after all the poking and prodding I've endured lately.

Results came back- looks like 2 nearly mature follicles on the right, which will probably be the ones she takes on Friday. Not sure what will happen to the 3 immature ones- will they take them out? If not, will they die? Or will I ovulate them? Have to ask.

So now I get to turn around, go back to work, tell them I WILL be in on Thursday, but not Friday and oh yeah, probably not Monday or Wednesday next week because of the 'post-operation' aka the transfer of embryos. And I will likely not know which day until the night before. Gah! That's the most frustrating part. I don't want the scheduling lady to be mad at me because of these erratic days off that I need. At least by next week it will be done.

Then I just have a 2-week wait to agonize over. I read a good suggestion to do something fun every day. My sister suggested putting the list on slips of paper and pull one from a jar every day to do. I may have to try that, otherwise I'm going to go nuts looking at baby things on Pinterest and wondering if every twinge is a pregnancy symptom.

Only one more night of shots...just some more Follistim and the HCG trigger! DH brought me flowers and ice cream tonight to help. I think he feels guilty about all that I've been through. Men sure do get the easy end of the deal with IVF, right?!? At least he's supportive. <3

Going with the flow

Well, we had yet another appointment this morning. I have 5 possible follicles to retrieve- 3 are on the larger side, 2 on the smaller side. My estrogen levels went back up (could it be the flaxseed I had in my smoothie this morning? Who knows...).

Consequently, this development has pushed my retrieval back to Thursday. I have to inject myself for a few more nights (sigh). Now I have a combo of Menopur and Follistim. I was given a Follistim pen and told to give half each night. Looks like I'll be doing the trigger shot on Tuesday night.

So now I still have an appointment to check up on me on Tuesday morning, but I won't need the whole day off. I will, however, need Thursday off. Time to check in at work and see what I can do. I had planned a video day on Tuesday, so that shouldn't be too bad if I do have to miss one or two classes. I'm trying not to worry about missing work, but being away from my students impedes their progress. Argh.

Got to go with the flow- just say prayers and trust that God has got us in His hands.

I am a human pincushion

Today is day 4 of stim shots. I was reading about some people who do them for 10 days. That's at least 20 little holes in your abdomen! Lucky me, I only have 8 so far. It's gotten harder as the days go on. I am trying to rotate which sides the Menopur and Ganirelix go on to reduce the tenderness, but there is less and less 'good skin' that hasn't already been poked in the last couple nights. I had a lot of trouble with the Ganirelix tonight- had to start, stop, and then try another spot after icing it for a few more minutes.

My abdomen is also feeling really tender from the growth of all the follicles. I feel bloated and can feel ovarian 'twinges' throughout the day. I know I don't have it as bad as someone on a full IVF cycle, but the discomfort is growing noticeably. More ice tonight and yoga pants. And chocolate chip cookies, even though I'm trying to cut back on refined sugar.

I got a surprise call from a nurse this morning. I was on my way out the door to belly dance. She was like, "You need to come in." So I panicked, called my husband, and we drove up there together. We got a message from the doctor en route that my estrogen levels had dropped. He was worried that I had already ovulated despite the Ganirelix and wanted to check.

So I had yet another trans-vaginal ultrasound (really the LEAST painful part of this whole process) and another needle stick in my right arm to check the estrogen levels. The nurse really wasn't sure about where my ovaries were...that made me a little nervous, although she took lots of pictures to show the doctor.

Then we went out for a drive and a walk. Being outside always makes me feel more stable and peaceful. I got a call later today saying that my estrogen was still pretty low, so crank up the Menopur by a dose. Luckily this just means adding another vial to the water and not another separate shot. I'm going to get checked tomorrow morning. Praying so hard for good estrogen levels so that I can get my trigger shot.

If I do get the okay, it looks like Tuesday will be retrieval day. I'm excited and nervous. I know this upcoming week is just going to be a blur. I'm just holding on for the ride!

Stim meds, day 2

Can I just say that I'm glad I'm on a mini-IVF cycle? I only have to do 2 injections a night, and that is plenty for me. I can't imagine how many shots women on regular IVF cycles have to have, or how much more sore they must be.

The Menopur has been no trouble- that one is just mix and inject, doesn't hurt or sting for me. The Ganirelix is the one I've had trouble with. It really burns and stings. I had to ice the site a lot last night and it's still twingy today. But I did both shots by myself. DH watched the first one, just to make sure I was okay. I think it kind of freaked him out that I was so casually able to stick myself with the needle. I'm rather surprised I can do it without freaking out, myself!

The other thing I've noticed is how tired I am on these meds. I mean, usually DH has to wake me up anyhow because I like to sleep, but it's been like waking up from molasses the last two mornings. Not sure which one is causing the fatigue, but I do keep wondering if this is how it will be (if) I get pregnant this round. Guess I'll just have to nap more frequently and go to bed at a reasonable hour. 

Today is scan #2 to see how many follicles, how big, and what my estrogen levels are. I'm hoping that they'll be able to tell me today when the retrieval will be next week. That way, I can plan out what I need to get ready for my substitute at school. I want to get that done this weekend so I don't have to worry about it. I know my students are curious about why I've been out so much, but they can just keep on wondering. I'm not saying a word!!

I'll update later with my stats (if I have time- it's sure to be a busy day).

Shots shots shots shots....not the fun kind....

I had my first IVF appointment today. Consequently, this meant I got almost no sleep last night as I was up trying to prepare my lesson plan for the class I was getting observed in today. I had weird dreams about being at a Boy Scout camp. Huh.

Driving to the appointment was probably the most stressful- that I-75/24 split can be pretty hairy even at the  best of times. There was a bit of a slowdown, but not much. I arrived at 8:00, just as the office opened. I waited until I saw someone else go in and then grabbed my stuff and hightailed it in. Good thing, too, because the office got pretty crowded after that.

The ultrasound looked good- he said about 6 follicles. That's more than I expected, although I predict the number will drop some as they get close to maturation. I had blood drawn to look at my estrogen. They said I might have to start my shots, so I got some clarification from the nurses about how to mix the Menopur (two vials of dry, 10 cc's water).

Then I went to teach. I had to tell my students that I "donated blood" because a lot of them were curious about my purple arm band (that matched my shirt, thanks lady!). I tried not to think about the results. Got a call later that I could go ahead and start the Menopur and Ganirellex tonight.

Went out for dinner with DH and a friend. That was a good and needed break. We talked about how frustrating students can be sometimes. DH had some work to do, so he went back to the office and I went home. I fell asleep on the couch almost instantly until it was time to take my shots.

I am a type-A personality, so I had to get everything set up on the counter just the right way with the directions read like a million times before I started. I started with the Menopur. Mixing wasn't hard (if you can cook following a recipe, you can give yourself these shots no problem). I iced my abdomen before I did it- that really helped it go more smoothly. I just thought, "Push!" when I needed to get the needle in. Funny, if everything is successful, I'll be thinking the same thing about 9 months from now... Anyway, it was fine. The Ganirellex was already pre-loaded. I had a little more trouble on that one because I forgot to tap out the bubbles. I had to withdraw it and try again. That side is a little more irritated than the other. Oh well. I will rotate sides tomorrow. I iced it and hopefully that will help it be less irritated tonight.

I'm glad I could do it myself. The needles were pretty short, like the ones I usually have for my allergy shots, so that wasn't a problem. Now I just wonder about the side effects....hopefully I won't be a blubbering mess tomorrow or the rest of the week. One can only hope!

Next appointment is on Friday. Here's to hoping and praying all continues to go well! Go follicles go!

Namaste.

First Steps

There is so much information to process. I feel like I've just been in this place where I've been waiting, interminably, for something good to happen. If anyone has ever read the book In the Meantime by Iyanla Vanzant, you know what I mean. The book is about finding love and happiness, but sometimes we get stuck waiting in this 'meantime' where nothing seems to go right. Even though it doesn't feel like it, we are growing and developing and these growing pains can be, well, painful.

Our meantime feels like it's drawing to a close. At least, we hope so.

I was put on birth control for a few days to sync up my cycle with the lab. For a while, it was unclear if there would be enough room in the inn for our possible embryos. That caused me a lot of stress. Then we had to wait and see if the HSG I had during my surgery last August would count so that I wouldn't have to do a sonohistogram. I missed any and all messages my nurse left over Labor Day weekend, and I was a nervous wreck until we straightened it out on Tuesday.

My nurse REALLY loves to talk. I am one of those people who just need the cut-and-dry information in a precise and efficient manner so I can process it and make decisions. The worst thing was when she told me I needed to come in yesterday at 11:30 for an endometrial biopsy, then told me should would call me back after talking to the doctor. I get horrible cell service at school, so I got a frantic message from her a few minutes later saying that both me and my DH needed to come in at 3:00 for baseline tests and that it was IMPERATIVE that I call her back the next morning. So I'm freaking out because I have no idea when I need to be at their office. She wanted me to call her at 8:30, which is right in the middle of my first class. So I asked another teacher to watch my class while I made a quick phone call. That took 15 inscrutable minutes on hold while the front desk person searched for my nurse. When she finally made it to the phone, she was just incredibly chatty and I was just like, "LOOK, give me the information I need so I can go back to teaching!!!!".

So we had our appointment at 3. Had a bunch of bloodwork done, both me and DH. The lady who did it was great- knew exactly what she was doing. Then I had my ultrasound and the biopsy. THAT was the most painful part. At least she saved it for last. I really had to focus on Dave and try to count to 10 with the doctor. The cramping sucked. I am such a sensitive person. I keep wondering if unmedicated home birth is really going to be the way I want to go when/if the time comes.

Now we're on some meds to prepare for the natural IVF cycle. I have my calendar, which makes me feel at least a little better about when this is all going to happen. I'll post some more about the natural IVF cycle later, because I know I couldn't find a lot of information about the process myself, which is worrisome.

Namaste.