Waiting with hope

Well, it's been a week or so since our positive news. I thought I would write about what I've been experiencing over that time period while we wait with hope and a bit of nervousness about the ultrasound on Friday.

I still can't believe I'm pregnant. I think part of me is trying to be protective against possible disappointment, because there is a scared part of my brain saying, "What if this is just a chemical pregnancy? A blighted ovum? What if you have a miscarriage because this just wasn't meant to be?"

I had to POAS last week because I have still been keeping track of my temps. I watched them dip below my coverline one morning and had a bout of anxiety about miscarriage. No bleeding, and the test was positive. The temps took a climb back up and I have breathed a sigh of relief.

Since I am very attuned to my body, I have noticed the following changes:

• Acid reflux after eating spicy foods
• More thirsty than usual- it makes sense, your body is making more blood for the embryo!
• I had some hot flashes a few days after the transfer- not sure if this was the progesterone/estrogen I've been taking
• Tender breasts- not as bad as before my period, but veins are definitely more noticeable
• Falling asleep on the couch by 9:00 p.m. Not extreme exhaustion, but certainly more tired.
• Irritable- I have been much more hard on my students over things that I would normally let slide
• Bloating/constipation (yeah, TMI)- Ok, so I look 3 months pregnant. I catch my students giving me sidelong glances. I am uncomfortable wearing my regular pants, yet not ready to go into maternity clothes at just 5 weeks pregnant!!
• Cramps- they feel like period cramps, but are intermittent. Hopefully this is due to uterus expanding, although I read it can be due to dehydration. Time to drink more water!

No nausea (yet) thankfully, although if I don't eat snacks between meals I get ravenously hungry and lightheaded. Some days I just 'feel' pregnant, and other days I feel totally normal.

Hopefully we will have a positive ultrasound result on Friday- say a prayer and cross your fingers for us!

Betas and Blabbermouths

Tomorrow is the first beta test. I am incredibly nervous and anxious- and so tempted to just POAS tomorrow morning so DH and I can just know already. I've been instructed not to give in to the temptation, as home pregnancy tests can give a false positive due to some residual HCG in the system from the trigger shot. However, it's been over 10 days since I did the trigger shot, so I think most of it is probably gone now.

I am also having a problem with a co-worker. I ended up telling her that we were going through IVF and she has been very supportive and praying for us. HOWEVER, once I got the embryos, she decided it was appropriate to gush at lunch, in front of EVERYONE that I was 'pregnant'. I am a very private, introverted person. I am also waiting to find out IF I am pregnant- I did NOT want to announce this to everyone until at least the first ultrasound. I just feel angry and upset that she decided to do this. And I can't control other people, so I am going to have to just forgive her and let it go. *sigh*

I wish I could just take the rest of the week off and curl up on the couch with DH.