Waiting with hope

Well, it's been a week or so since our positive news. I thought I would write about what I've been experiencing over that time period while we wait with hope and a bit of nervousness about the ultrasound on Friday.

I still can't believe I'm pregnant. I think part of me is trying to be protective against possible disappointment, because there is a scared part of my brain saying, "What if this is just a chemical pregnancy? A blighted ovum? What if you have a miscarriage because this just wasn't meant to be?"

I had to POAS last week because I have still been keeping track of my temps. I watched them dip below my coverline one morning and had a bout of anxiety about miscarriage. No bleeding, and the test was positive. The temps took a climb back up and I have breathed a sigh of relief.

Since I am very attuned to my body, I have noticed the following changes:

• Acid reflux after eating spicy foods
• More thirsty than usual- it makes sense, your body is making more blood for the embryo!
• I had some hot flashes a few days after the transfer- not sure if this was the progesterone/estrogen I've been taking
• Tender breasts- not as bad as before my period, but veins are definitely more noticeable
• Falling asleep on the couch by 9:00 p.m. Not extreme exhaustion, but certainly more tired.
• Irritable- I have been much more hard on my students over things that I would normally let slide
• Bloating/constipation (yeah, TMI)- Ok, so I look 3 months pregnant. I catch my students giving me sidelong glances. I am uncomfortable wearing my regular pants, yet not ready to go into maternity clothes at just 5 weeks pregnant!!
• Cramps- they feel like period cramps, but are intermittent. Hopefully this is due to uterus expanding, although I read it can be due to dehydration. Time to drink more water!

No nausea (yet) thankfully, although if I don't eat snacks between meals I get ravenously hungry and lightheaded. Some days I just 'feel' pregnant, and other days I feel totally normal.

Hopefully we will have a positive ultrasound result on Friday- say a prayer and cross your fingers for us!

Waiting with prayer

The last week has been a crazy one. Our transfer of one embryo occurred on Monday. We received fantastic pictures from the embryologist of the second one, who went into frozen storage. That one will be 'just in case', or, more hopefully, a younger sibling.

I have tried really hard to stay calm about everything. I had bloating a couple of days afterward, which is making me look 3-4 months pregnant already! A nosy student was like, "I hope your doctor's visits are for happy things" while looking at my stomach obviously. Sheesh! I appreciate the sentiment, but holy cow, it's private business. I started Googling 'how to hide a pregnancy bump' after that. I'll share when I'm good and ready to share, if I even have good news.

I started feeling really achy on Thursday and Friday- all of my major muscle groups were sore like I was coming down with the flu or had worked out really hard. I had no fever, but it was really disturbing. DH couldn't even touch me because my muscles were so achy. I contacted the nurse on Friday. She said it wasn't any side effect she could think of, and maybe I was fighting a virus or something. I just hope my body wasn't fighting the embryo off...I fell asleep on the couch early last night, went to bed, and then woke up at 5:45 with pain all over. I was really worried, so I took some Tylenol and was able to go back to sleep. When I woke up again, the aches had gone. Thank God. I really hope that it was something benign!

My first beta test is on Wednesday morning. I am awash with nervous anticipation and anxiety. I don't know what I'll do if the test is negative- probably be in shock and then cry. We both hope that won't be the case, but this little one only has a 50% chance of implanting. And then it has to grow...I keep praying, please God, let this be our little miracle.

Hopefully it will all work out.